Indian Institute of Ponytail Management - IIPM

This blog is devoted to the study of Ponytail Management - a field that was given its initial impetus by none other than Arindam Chaudhuri of the Indian Institute of Ponytail Management (IIPM) fame who started a the first ever course on Ponytail Management in the world famous IIPM at Delhi.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Basics of Ponytail Management at IIPM - V

In the fifth and last post on the basics of ponytail management (before we go to advances in ponytail management), we will cover the methods used by IIPM in fixing belief among IIPM students using the pioneering work of Pierce (1877) titled "The Fixation of Belief". Pierce gave the key insight that belief in humans is fixed in one of four ways. We will examine how IIPM has used these methods effectively in fixing belief among IIPM students about the IIPM and its founders.

(a) Method of Tenacity - a steady and immovable clinging to beliefs an individual already has by suppressing any doubts or wavering. This method is used in creating the full page IIPM advertisements in newspaper where IIPM believes that by tenaciously repeating its glories it will build a steady and unmovable belief among its readers and prospective students. The method is used repeatedly within the IIPM campus in every course where the superiority of IIPM is emphasised.

(b) Method of Authority - to create institutions that teach doctrines to the young and prevent contrary doctorienes from being expressed by terrifying them to silence. This method is superior to method of tenacity. IIPM used this to suppress Gaurav Sabnis and Rashmi Bansal from speaking against IIPM. It is also used to supress IIPM students from speaking against the authority both within and outside IIPM.

(c) Method of Apriority - to create propositions that do not rest on observed facts but rather are agreeable to reason based on the intellectual fashions of that time. While this method is more intellectual than the method of tenacity or method of authority it is based on taste and fashion. This is the basis for all the claims that IIPM courses are superior to the IIM courses as IIMs don't have those interestingly titled courses. It is IIPM's belief that by naming all its courses differently from the usual names that are used in business schools across the world they will be able to make their courses incomparable to any course anywhere in the world except in an IIPM - naturally making those courses best in the worlds because no second best exists.

(d) Method of Science - to scientifically investigate real things whose characteristics are entirely independent of our opinion about them and fit our reasoning with facts. This is superior to the other three methods but requires time and effort - IIPM is too busy to use this method - the other three methods serve its purpose in making itself superior to the IIMs.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Basics of Ponytail Management at IIPM - IV

"Dare to Dream Beyond the IIMs" is the motto of IIPM. The great depth and profound meaning hidden in this provocative slogan is conveyed to each and every IIPM student. In sheer power and weight, this slogan is as overpowering as the famous ponytailmotto "Count the Chickens Before they Hatch" or the less famous Robin Hood motto - "Rob the Rich and Give it to the Poor".

IIPM students know that its easy to dream beyond the IIMs. After all the IIMs don't advertise as much as IIPM. Every full page color IIPM advertisment in the national newspapers a powerful catalyst for IIPM student dreams while all IIM students have to look forward to is an drab annual quarter page announcement about the next CAT examination. The IIPM advertisements also walk the talk of their motto by being as daring as they possibly can. Advertising is about daring to create dreams as any IIPM student will tell you and IIPM advertisements are full of daring dreams. All sorts of daring content, such as daring academic credentials, daring degree names, daring course contents, daring acronyms, daring locations, daring essays, daring visiting faculty, daring AICTE and daring students to join IIPM is neatly packed into just one of two pages of a national newspaper.

IIPM students know that its easy to dream beyond the IIMs. All the eminent business school faculty in the world have at some time been within the sphere of influence of IIPM and have been setting of drenched dreams among IIPM students who are splashed by their cars as they enter or exit the IIPM campus. IIPM Delhi students are known to keep an outfit for each drenching as it may fetch a good price in the IIPM internal market - primarily in the IIPM satellite schools.

Reliable sources inform us that its the IIM students who under the influence of IIPM are now daring to dream beyond the IIMs. While imitation is the best form of flattery apparently IIPM will charge IIM students on a pay-per-dream basis. To improve revenues a few eye-candy photographs that have a IIM apeal within the advertisement would not be amiss.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Basics of Ponytail Management at IIPM - III

In the third post on the Basics of Ponytail Management we will cover the fine art of creating and sustaining academic credentials as innovated by and practiced by Malay Chaudhuri of IIPM fame. As you know Malay Chaudhuri created world history by becoming the first person ever to get a masters and doctorate degree from an institution even before it was founded. This is not surprising as given his keen intellect he thought he could always create his own Berlin School of Economics later on with predated records to settle the matter, if someone asked uncomfortable questions. It was unfortunate that an institution called the Berlin School of Economics was indeed formed at a later date and this institution - given the natural stubborness of Germans - decided not to predate its history to include Malay Chaudhuri in its alumni ranks.

However, the basic principles of the Malay Chaudhuri method of creating academic credentials are still very powerful and are conveyed religiously to every IIPM student. Many practice sessions follow and all IIPM students are asked to create a blog in the name of IIPM to practice this fine art of creating academic credentials from the freely available hot air around the IIPM towers. Some enthusiastic students have created multiple single entry blogs to flood the blogosphere. Active efforts are on to now predate these blogs to create the impression that they were created over the entire lifetime of IIPM. IIPM is ofcourse cautioning these IIPM chickens to count these blogs carefully and make sure that they don't predate them to dates before the birth of the internet as this may make these blogs somewhat unbelievable.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Basics of Ponytail Management at IIPM - II

As most of you know, chickens are very intelligent animals. They have an extremely small brain which gives them their razor sharp intelligence that is essential for understanding that they have to put food in their mouth at regular intervals in order to survive - survive till they reach nirvana when they are consumed by humans in one of the delicacies that popular chefs are dishing out these days. IIPM looks for students with the same razor sharp intelligence that is the hallmark of the chicken. All such students, who meet the exacting standards set by the intelligent chickens of this world, are selected by IIPM to join their exalted institution even before they are hatched out of the school system. To enable this, IIPM targets parents who display the same razor sharp intelligence that is the hallmark of the chicken, as demonstated by their responding to the world class double page colour IIPM advertisements in all the national and international daily newspapers. Once selected, and well before they hatch out of the school system, the prospective chickens and their parents money is carefully counted. They are then admitted to the bachelors program at IIPM so that they can imbibe the basics of ponytail management from an early and impressionable age. Having completed the bachelor's program at IIPM enables these chickens to do nothing else other than join the masters program at IIPM at an escalated cost where they can learn ponytail management for a further two years. Counting chickens before they hatch has thus been firmly institutionalized at IIPM in a form that no business school in the world has been capable of - least of all the IIMs which seem to be only good at declaring 150000 perfectly good eggs who knock at their door as rotten eggs and let in a thousand rotten eggs that never hatch!.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Basics of Ponytail Management at IIPM -1

In this second post of the series, I will explain the basics of ponytail management as exponded by none other than Arindam Chaudhuri of IIPM fame.

The human brain has a limited capacity as it is enclosed in an inflexible skull. The human skull is covered with hair that dissipates the knowledge in the brain radially outward. Therefore all the education in the world (specially from the IIM group of institutions) will not help as most of it will enter the ear and get dissipated radially outward through the hair on the skull. To conserve the knowledge you need to build an effective and efficient ponytail that is effectively grounded by pointing downwards. This enables the fantastic knowledge gained from IIPM to be effectively preserved and can be used in small potent doses when you work in Planman Consultants after graduation from IIPM.

This is an important concept that has been missed by all the IIM group of institutions. They do not know about ponytail management and therefore select students who keep their hair waving freely - thus the miniscule knowlege that the get at IIM is immediately dissipated radially outward leaving them with neither IQ nor EQ.

At IIPM we only select students with long hair that can be tied into a ponytail - this is the reason that we usually have more girls admitted than boys - girls have higher ponytail potential. Infact studies at IIPM have shown that girls who have their hair braided into a ponytail from early childhood have higher potential and our selection process at IIPM carefully investigates this to select the most promising girl candidates.

Unfortunately the fee that we charge often leaves their parents without any hair - but our IIPM parents are willing to sacrifice their hair for the sake of their wards and for the future of our country.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Ponytail Management: An Emerging Discipline

This blog is devoted to the study of Ponytail Management. Ponytail management is an emerging field of specialization in the field of management and is attracting the interest of a large number of academic scholars across the world. The field was given its initial impetus by none other than Arindam Chaudhuri of the Indian Institute of Planning and Management (IIPM) fame who started a the first ever course on Ponytail Management in the world famous IIPM at Delhi and this course in now taught by his devoted disciples across all the branches of IIPM in India and is proposed to be taught in the newly started branches across the world. All students of IIPM in recent years have had the unique advantage of imbibing the far reaching benefits of an intricate and detailed understanding of Ponytail Management that has given them immense confidence in handling the major management issues faced by today's world order. IIPM students working through Planman Consulting have enabled major corporations to restructure their operations in accordance with the tenets of Ponytail Management to make enormous strides in efficiency and effectiveness that are unparalleled in the world of consulting. Held as a close secret over the years within the highrise walls of IIPM campuses, the potent tenets of Ponytail Management will now be released in small and easily digetable doses to the world at large through this blog. This knowledge has been gained through diligent work of academic espionage on IIPM campuses and is being made freely available throgh this blog so as to enable more people worldwide to gain from applying this amazingly versatile body of knowledge in Ponytail Management created by Arindam Chaudhuri and incredible IIPM.
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